Why Can't I Feel the Puja Spirit?

It's Soptomi। The day one of Durgapuja। While typing I can hear the beats of the drum playing at the nearby pandals. I know the preparations are going on for todays puja in the thakurghar upstairs. Kolkata is looking beautiful with more beautiful girls in her streets than usual. My friends are coming to my place today, and tomorrow we'll go out together. But still I'm feeling a bit odd. The puja is everywhere around, but not in my heart.

I don't feel anything special when I wore the new cloths yesterday. I didn't even go upstairs to pronaam our druga idol. Why is it so this time? Why?
It's never happened before. even after losing my dad, I could feel the spirit in 2004.
Then what's the difference between this time and the other years?

Is it because, this is the 1st time we are not doing the puja of our house? some relatives are doing. but it's still taking place in the same thakurghar. Ok, it feels a bit odd. but it doesn't seem to be the only reason behind the indifference of my soul.
another thing is that i didn't buy any puja special issues of the magazines so far. That was also like a ritual. but it is not that significant to ruin my puja. And I can buy it anytime. even now.
Is it because my cousins are not coming this year as we are not conducting the puja? but for the last 5 years I used to be with my friends, we all used to meet at night only.

Then what is the reason? Thw quest starts today.

my hearty puja greetings to all who read this and to all those who don't.
soptomir preeti suveccha o valobasa grohon korun.