Settled Down

It's been 1 month and two days since I have come to Siliguri.Well, the initial phase of trouble is gone. and slowly i am less disliking the place and liking it little by little.

washing cloths is a real pain. but then I am learning it and improving slowly.

But this 1 month have been kinda interesting,too. I have finally found a flat of my own. and I like it. I cook for myself and enjoy it,too.

finally, I am out of her shadow and her memories. its not that i never had a revival of that. I did. but just once. otherwise, it's quite fine. With work for office and the work at home.. i do not get so much time to waste on hopeless hoping. Not anymore.

I know may be I am saying this for the 100th time, but now it seems that I have finally moved on. And I'm enjoying my single-hood.

anyway, as i have to prepare my dinner so i better stop now. Will get back once i have something interesting(anything will be more interesting than this post, at least)to share. till then...take life as it comes. You never know .. you may end up liking it.

Learning to live alone...

All my life i was never away from home except on vacations and short trips. but now, the job has made me come to Siliguri and live on my own. I am yet to get a place to live. but I am learning a lot of things by staying away from home and homely comfort.

for the job I have to wake up early and go out in field. I come back at 3 or 4 pm. and then I need to spend some more time for work.so I really do not get much time to miss Kolkata and my home. but nevertheless, I have already realized how much I love my family. earlier I used to think that I am not much attached to my family. but now I know, you do not understand until you stay away from your family. I am loving my mother more and more everyday. I love her for all the unconditional love she has given me and will keep on giving. I talk to her so many times a day.. but I just can't say that I miss her and love her.

Living alone is quite difficult. right now I am finding washing cloths really tough. how tirelessly maa used to do all that. Now I have begin to appreciate her each and every work more. So many times I feel like quitting and going back home. but then I tell myself, it's a learning experience. all these difficulties will make me a stronger man! and I will evolve as a more matured one.

i just pray to find a home soon. then i can just ask mom to come over here and stay for a few days. I am really looking forward to it.

Anyway, let me learn how to live in a new place. and I wish one day I can go back home and make my mother proud of me!!!

Thank you maa. thank you for everything.
Everyday to me now is the mother's day!!!

Mindless Musings

I had my birthday just a few days ago. The usual midnight calls wishing me, the endless messages (some form even unknown numbers) - everything was just as it should be. But I have changed. The Me after this birthday is not the same as ME after the last one. So I was thinking what are the changes that took place in me? Well, the question seems so philosophical. But

The answer hardly is. In fact, I don't even know if there is any answer at all. Let me look within myself to find the answer, as I carry on composing this piece.

I can talk about the changes which are very clear and open for everybody's view. I finally have written the last paper for my MBA exam. And I never want to attend any course. I have done enough for a lifetime. But speaking about such trivial things is no fun. So let me try some other angle.

I can talk about how I am hoping to get a job and getting rejected again and again. But even that's not worth mentioning. Because I'm still fighting. I may still be unemployed, but I know that I will soon get a job. That too, a decent one.

Anyway, enough of talking about what this post is not. Now allow me to talk what it is about.

As I have said at the beginning, I have changed. I have learned to let go. And finally I have learned not to look back. It took years and lot of hurt burns to learn all these. But it was worth it. Really, it was worth it.

There was a time when I used to take a stroll at midnight. Feeling amazed looking at the starlit sky. I used to talk to myself a lot. Now when I go to the terrace, it's mostly to take a puff. I do look at the stars but I do not find them amazing any more. Now they are just some celestial bodies. Learning too much can be harmful. At least for your imagination.

There are lot more changes that I prefer not to talk about. A lot of changes which are not even worth mentioning. But I have grown up a lot with each of these changes. And I feel more confident as myself. It doesn't matter anymore whether these changes are for good or not. It's ME. And I am happy being me.

I think that's what made me different from my earlier versions.

Frustration continues...

with the present happenings (and non happenings) in my life, one emotion which I feel most often is frustration. I feel hopeless and lost. kind of semi depressed. but then i talk to myself.

I have gone through even worse phases. and I have come out of those, too. and I'll come out of it also. may be not with flying colours..but at least with walking colours!!!

but even in this gloomy phase, there is one thing which gives me a reason to smile. the feeling of camaraderie.

I am not alone in this journey of finding myself. there are others,too. some of them have already found a niche for them, others are still trying. what i like is that we all still care about each other. if one breaks down momentarily, others counsel him. it doesn't heal the wounds. but it helps to believe in friendship, again!!

We might have wounded hearts, but we still have hearts.

Once again…

This blog has become something like an old favourite. I love it because so many memories are associated with it. But I somehow just don't seem to find anything to blog about anymore. But why??

It's not that I don't like blogging anymore. I still love to shape my emotions and feelings into typed words and publish that to connect with known and unknown faces. Then what is the reason behind my silence? It's not that I don't feel anymore. I do… I very much do.

If I be very honest to myself, I think the reason might be one (or both) of the following.

1. Absence of the muse. The person is not anymore in my life about whom I have blogged so many times. And probably some of my best posts were about her. I still feel that my USP is those posts which talks about my heart, from the core of my heart and nothing but my heart. But without her (and anyone else to fill the gap), what could I write about?
   
2. Secondly, I feel that now I compose real crap posts. And after reading some wonderful blogs by my friends I probably suffer from low confidence.
   

   
    

I agree. Both these reasons exist. But I love blogging more than I care about a failed love or people criticizing my works. So, for the n-th time, I promise to be back again.

 

Today is the 1^st day of the Bengali New Year. Hope Meaningless Crap will also turn a new leaf.

 

Subho Noboborsho Meaningless Crap!!!

The countdown has started

I have always been wondering how the story will end and when. I never knew the answer. Whenever I thought about it, I felt like the end is still quite far. But suddenly, I'm having a gut feeling that it is about to come. It is coming…

My mistake was that I thought there are only two characters in the story: the Incorrigible Idiot and the Eternally Confused. Well, I was wrong! I forgot the characters which helped the bonding between the main characters, even though they were unaware about the story of the Confused and the Idiot.

But my mistake did not end here. I forgot the most important character of the story- our Alma matter. It was in the classrooms, the corridors, the events and happenings of the AM which connected II and EC. The field have seen them chatting. The canteen has witnessed many of their sweet (and occasionally bitter) nothings. The lover's lane has been the place of many intimate moments. Well, I can't describe 2 years in just a blog.

The Alma matter with its many buildings, the staircases, roads and alleyways were more involved in this story than any of the living characters, perhaps even EC an II were not as involved as it was. And I thought there are just 2 characters in this story.

Well, maybe it was the reason why I could never see then end. Or always fail whenever I tried ending it on my own. But I have rectified my mistake. Just after a few days all the characters of this story will meet once again. Some will not be present there physically. But they will be there, anyway. And the venue is the AM.

 

It started there. They are again going there. I hope it will be the end of this story. Because, the cycle is almost complete.

 

May be EC and II will not even realize that this is the end. May be II is still thinking that something will happen. But I'm sure that AM knows. It is the time to say the final goodbye.

 

Let it finish.