Why Can't I Feel the Puja Spirit?

It's Soptomi। The day one of Durgapuja। While typing I can hear the beats of the drum playing at the nearby pandals. I know the preparations are going on for todays puja in the thakurghar upstairs. Kolkata is looking beautiful with more beautiful girls in her streets than usual. My friends are coming to my place today, and tomorrow we'll go out together. But still I'm feeling a bit odd. The puja is everywhere around, but not in my heart.

I don't feel anything special when I wore the new cloths yesterday. I didn't even go upstairs to pronaam our druga idol. Why is it so this time? Why?
It's never happened before. even after losing my dad, I could feel the spirit in 2004.
Then what's the difference between this time and the other years?

Is it because, this is the 1st time we are not doing the puja of our house? some relatives are doing. but it's still taking place in the same thakurghar. Ok, it feels a bit odd. but it doesn't seem to be the only reason behind the indifference of my soul.
another thing is that i didn't buy any puja special issues of the magazines so far. That was also like a ritual. but it is not that significant to ruin my puja. And I can buy it anytime. even now.
Is it because my cousins are not coming this year as we are not conducting the puja? but for the last 5 years I used to be with my friends, we all used to meet at night only.

Then what is the reason? Thw quest starts today.

my hearty puja greetings to all who read this and to all those who don't.
soptomir preeti suveccha o valobasa grohon korun.

RUN DWAI RUN

I'm running. Still running. I don't even remember when did the race start. But I've been running for a long time. At times it seems I've made it to the finishing line. But soon it becomes clear that one race ends only to signal the start of a new one.
I get accolades. I miss certain things, too. I have to compromise on a few things that i want to do, like going on a camping trip or trekking or backpacking. Because, the moment you divert your attention, the race will become meaningless. So I keep running. I see my dreams passing away, my track doesn't go through them. I see the face of my friends and loved ones, waiting for me. But I don't have the time to say hi to them. I keep running.
Some people are running along with me on the parallel tracks. Our direction changes in the next race. Some come back on another race, only to be diverted again after some time.
I keep running.The race becomes exhausting at times, but once I got used to it- I enjoy the run. The current race is for 3 years, after which there will be a new one about which I know nothing.

The races are endless. One is supposed to run all his life. But I might stop one day. Then I'll walk slowly, enjoying the feeling of the grass below my feet, the warmth of the shining sun,the beauty of the clouds, the music of the rains. I might get back to the faces i overtook, I might left the track and go on exploring a virgin road. But...
But that will happen only when I'd realize I've run enough, enough for a life time. For now, I've to keep on running.
And I'm.

acknowledgement

The general papers are finished. I'm sure the profs would be astonished after seeing my brilliantly bad performance in the answer script. Now the remaining theory paper is Microbiology. some microbes tried to show their gratitude ( for me studying microbiology) by giving me a gift of common cold. If I ignore my running nose, the cold gave me good many excuses not to study & sleep off anytime, blaming that on the medicine I took a week ago.
Anyway, as the exam is scheduled to be tomorrow; I should be studying. but before going to resume my studies on antibiotic resistance, let me acknowledge certain things without which the exam would be even more pathetic. So here goes the list:

1. Nescafe or occasionally lemon tea, which helped me to keep my eyelids open at those late hours.
2. ITC for obvious reasons[ my earlier brand gold flake is now a fantasy, thanks to the budget 2007. to cut the cost a bit, smoking special nowadays instead of flake.]
   
3. The Black table lamp, which came handy when the tube light was not working.
4. The terrace of our home: the best place for late night strolls
5. My friend Debarchana Sarkar, the instant doubt clearing person. Just give her a call, & she'd tell u answer to any question, structure of any chemical compound in fact... simply anything.
6. Copiers, Scanners & emails: I don' t think I need to discuss the usage of copier. scanned copies of notes are often coming as email attachment.
7. Harry Potter books. whenever I got bored by Botany, I started reading potter. Reader's digest was also of great help.
   

There are many more things, but the above mentioned 7 helped me most. hope they would helped me to combat the 4 hour long paper of tomorrow. wish me luck...

one down;2+1 yet to go

One year of sleeping in the class, doing free association writing instead of taking the class notes. studying very little in the month long study leave & finally start studying in the last 10 days. mounting tension bout the exam results in excessive smoking. ll the time I just keep saying to myself... just 1 week more..just 4 days more.. just 2 more days.. just more day.. and finally paper is over. with my performance in the answer script, I'd better not talk bout the exam ...I'll just say it's over..I'll never ever have to study bryophytes, pteridophytes and plynology. just a bit more for the grand viva.
anyway...I have t focus myself for ecology, gymnosperm and paleobotny now. for 2 more dys only...just 2 days..

Morning walk. Pteridophytes and Another SleeplessNight

slept for 4am to 5 am. phone calls started coming since midnight. some scraps in orkut. had a slice of fruit cake. went out on a morning stroll along with my cousin Vikram. Collected some plants to make herbariums. had a glass of sugary tea along with plenty of milk. feed a biscuit to the stray dogs.

and I've to manage the pteridophytes along with the bryophytes today. last night couldn't study much as my lazy mind gave me less study as a gift. and the 25th year of my life is history now.

she called up near about 00:30am. just when after attending two calls I was wondering why she hasn't called up and the phone rang with the CLI showing her number. we talked for some time. of course, about exams and our preparations and suggestions.

so what life has given me in the last year??
well.... it's better to put it in point wise (the practice may come handy in the exams which is starting from Monday). so here they are:

1. appearing in the exams with a BAD preparation and getting a good marks...I love my proffs
2. the vacation in shillong
3. oly oly olyyyyyy
   
4. the excursion to Sikkim overwhelmed with THE illusion
5. The Delhi trip during Christmas
6. 4 new friends in my life: Varsha, Aklanta, Adi and Deepti
7. Meeting TAJ
8. Not much to mention except so many marriages of my loved ones...

here ends the list. Let's see what this year unfolds. I might do another master's. or I might start working ( hello!!!! anybody wanna hire me????). but one thing is sure... I'm back in your life to irritate you once again

YEAH YEAH!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!!!

midnight company

The exam is only a fortnight away. and so even I'm studying!! and I'm spending some sleepless nights (which means I'm having some days with loads of sleep) to combat with the taxonomy, pteridophyta, gymnosperms and other stuff of the same genre.

last night, around 2 am, I was fighting with my second attack of forget-study-let's-sleep-now syndrome. So I made myself a cup of strong black coffee, and with a cigarette I went to the terrace. I was welcomed by a heavenly cool breeze, which had as much stimulant effect as the coffee.
Then I tried to see if anyone else is sleepless. I found some lit rooms of the nearby houses. someone was watching television in a room. about others I didn't know. but then I found something which I liked instantaneously. the pond behind our houses was awake. the road beside the pond was awake. so was a small temple beside the pond. then I looked into the heaven. the stars were awake with me. and somehow, I felt . I'm not alone.
and I spend the longest sleepless night.

I'm Back

so...I'm back.
ok the main reason is a bit of appreciation. today my cousin told me that my blog is on T@, a supplement of the telegraph. and then I found it's about this post. in the article they have mentioned the reaction of some bloggers to the generation leaps of indian soaps.

i know it's not a big deal and most of the bloggers are regularly featured in media. but hey... it fells a bit nice to see a word or two about ur blog in paper. ain't it?

and rest of the day was also nice. had a wonderful shower in rain. it rejuvenated my whole spirit.
I was waiting for so long for this rain to come.

"let the rain come down and wash away my tears ,

let it heal my soul endrown my fear"

went to watch tara rum pum with cousins. and the movie was quite nice. however, I felt that the chemistry between saif and rani was not as good a sin hum tum. but anyway, its nice movie.

the only bad news about today is that my exams are from 21st may. and i'm still unaware of even the syllabus. forget the course materials.

oh, just some moments ago i saw that Mandira Bedi has again made headlines and yeah, it's with her clothes. this time she has wore a sari which is like a blockprint of the national flags of the countries playing the world cup 2007. and our tiranga was positioned on somewhat around her knees.

the designer is telling that it's completely her fault, because she draped the sari in such a fashion . however, i feel that the designer is as much guilty as her, if not more.
coz when he designed the sari, he knew what will be positioned where.

but anyway, the positive side of this scandal is that now the media will forget the gere-shetty kiss because of this. anyway, I fail to understand why some people object when shilpa shetty herself has no problem. they say, it's an insult to the indian culture. fine.
have they ever cared to notice the no of people suffering from AIDS in india, I assume they may find that glorifies Indian culture.
lage raho india... we really have advanced.

for a change do something meaningful and spend your energies doing something that helps people.

Pause or The End?

for a long time I haven't published anything. moreover, I don't even feel like blog hopping these days. there are other reasons also. so thought about telling this to my friends who encouraged me to scribble my thoughts.

I don't know whether this is a pause or the end of blogging for me. only time will say.

thank you all for being with me in this beautiful journey.

thank you. I'll miss you... I think so.

Identity

sometimes you act yourself, sometimes you wear a face. I wear a thousand faces.
sometimes I'm the friend everybody wants. one who helps you in distress, who shares your pain and your joy.
sometimes I'm a student, craving for knowledge. who wants to learn.
sometimes I'm a lover who says he's ok after loosing his sweetheart. because she couldn't love him and if he said the truth she'd feel guilty.
sometimes I'm a soul who's moved by the differential treatments in today's world.

I wear a thousand faces. the face of a son, a man, a student, a friend, a brother, a cousin, a lover, a confidante, a blogger, a thinker.

among all these faces my real face has lost somewhere. and with so many faces I'm unable to locate the face I really had. I've lost my identity, but all these faces together have given me a different identity.

I'm not anymore what I was. but this is what I am. may be I'll be something else tomorrow. but right now this is what I am.

Mera Naam Joker and the 123 Tag

I was planning to write a post on Saraswati Puja, as many of my blogger friends mistake her to be devi durga. but my laziness overtook. And now I found an interesting tag in the chaiwala's blog. And for something that interesting, i don't care to be tagged.
so here goes the rule:

Pick up the book closest to you. (OK, you can cheat, pick up the book closest to you that you like; but that’s about it - no more cheating). Go to page 123. Go to the end of the fourth sentence (not line). Write the fifth, sixth, seventh, eighth and ninth sentences in your post. Follow it up with ten words or ten sentences about what that sentence means to you - then and there. Spontaneous!

I cheated. I looked for a book that I like. and I went to another room. Rejected harry potters, Roald dahl, inscrutable americans, how to draw cartoons and all my bengali books( as they are unsuitable for the task)...Finally found the one. "Mera naam Joker"- a novel on the Raj Kapoor movie.

Listen, son. Between ten hungry lions and one beautiful girl- do you know who's more dangerous?
I'm beginning to catch on a little, Ustad-ji. The one who's more beautiful is the more dangerous one.
Right, absolutely right. Remember this game of love is very dangerous. Beware of your limbs - and your heart!


There come some times when we all find ourselves in a circus. Love make us do all the stupid things we otherwise would never do. But it's also love which bring out the man from us. You know the game is dangerous, you can get hurt. Yet, the danger makes it more fun. You face her, spend some tensed moments without knowing what will happen, and the next moment you are all wounded. You quit the arena, but not the game. One day you'll be back, with a new lioness. Because it's your destiny to perform. And thus the naive boy will turn into an expert ringmaster one day.


I was not tagged. So I'm not tagging anyone. Feel free to take this tag. It's really wonderful.

Goddess of Learning

My Red Sweater

I've a red sweater. It used to be my favourite one. almost every other day it shield me form the winter by its warmth. And slowly it was taken for granted.
this winter, I went to a new place. I got new clothes to keep me warm. and I was quite happy. Then one day, while looking for something else, I found the red sweater. the colour seemed so bright, the warmth so welcoming. I remember how it used to be my favourite. And I wore it once again.

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A Leafy Gift

5 years of studying botany has changed my view on plants. I no longer look at them as a beautiful creature, but something extremely dangerous, able to make your life hell along with the help of a special torture method for students called Taxonomy. The only plant group which is an exception is Fern. the reason may be that the laboratory work on ferns has just started.

But I love to collect fern leaves and use these as bookmarks. I came back from each excursions with some of the local ferns. But most of these get lost in the huge volumes of books that I should study, but I prefer not to. Not so long ago, I found one collected from the latest excursion inside my journal. That was my most favourite one.

I really liked that leaf. But then I decided to gift that to someone. I gave my little leaf to a lady who wanted to cage sunshine. She was someone I spend some good times with, and I thought of giving her something which may remind her of me at times. Gifts are a token of love. But for me, a gift is nothing, the thought associated with that is what counts. And I felt, if I want to give someone as good as her something, that thing should be the one I loved most.

But I was a bit tensed thinking whether she'd like that or not. But she seemed delighted and kept that in her diary.

I never knew one can be so happy even after giving away something he loved so much.

The Loo Hangover

Chetan Bhagat said how awkward it's to meet your boss in the washroom. well, I don't know about that.But you don't feel like throwing a party when you enter the loo wanting to relieve yourself and spot a Prof engaged in his private moments.

Actually, this should not happen as both the students and Profs have different washrooms to serve their purpose. But due to some mysterious reasons, our department have exchanged the washrooms. So the washroom we used to own, is now being used by the Profs, of course with loads of renovation.And The one we visit at critical moments, is the one previously used by the teachers.

But it seems that they are not as clear about the change as we are. So we occasionally find some of them there.And those moments pass thinking whether we should wish them, or smile or nod or simply ignore.
I prefer the last one.

Memories...

Delhi dreams has become reality and now it's a mere memory. but the sweetest memory. some people find it very funny that though i had spend 8 days in Delhi, I've not seen a single monument of Delhi. but if you ask my opinion, I don't regret.
for me, monuments are a part of history, and history is interesting because it's about people. so i prefer to see and meet people than monuments. moreover, i should have some reasons to visit Delhi next time.

when I planned to visit Delhi on Christmas, people advised me not to because of the extreme climate. but i really liked the winter in Delhi. i used to sit in the terrace at midnight to have a smoke before going to my bed.
but as I've already said, what i really liked about Delhi. is the people. well, I'm not talking about delhites generally, but the one i went to meet and stayed with.

i've never been to a blogger's meet, but everyday in Delhi was like one. i was staying with my brother soumyadip, who lives with his friends aklanta and varsha.

Soumyadip is like a celebrity blogger, aklanta is someone who blogs rarely but each of his posts is so good that you really wouldn't mind waiting for them. Varsha was the only one who still do not blog, but she also has plans to start soon. I met some of my friends. Bamby has nothing to do with blogs but is a wonderful friend to be with. and adi and deepti always impressed me with their poetic posts.

I spend a whole day with adi and deepti but not for a single moment i felt that i was meeting them for the 1st time in my life. i was just myself. and they had no problems accepting me with my lousy sense of humor.

If I want I can describe how we spend the 31st December visiting Agra, but Fatepur Sikri and Tajmahal are something most people will the same kind of emotions after visiting them. i thought about describing the wonderful people I met there and stayed with, but I've finally understood that words are a mere vehicle of human emotions. and it doesn't really matter if you don't express everything, the feeling is what matters most.

I couldn't say goodbye to my friends, but i don't even know how to say that properly. we'll meet again friends. we shall meet again.

My 1st visit to the national capital will not be mine last one. that's something I'm sure about.

The Great Indian Railway

If anything connects India more than cricket and BSNL, I think that's the Indian Railway. you would be able to find people from every province of India in a single buggy. and the gradual change in the language and the product of the hawkers from the start to the end of the journey always amazes me.

since childhood i'm fond of traveling by train, but these days the long journeys make me impatient. so I don't think i'll be loyal for a long time. and the condition of the toilet is the main factor for that.

my latest journey was more than 1500 kilometers and it took more than 24 hours( including the delay). while boarding the train from howrah station, I was shocked to see the coupe full of sardars with baggages as big as their bellies. but thankfully, they shifted somewhere else. I had a some bengali people with their family as my co passengers. there was a little girl who was a chatter box and didn't stop talking for a split second. i was amazed seeing how the two families got so close to each other in so little time, but when they got down together, i realized that they were traveling together because they are relatives.
for me train journey means reading a book, penning down a few lines in my journal, thinking a lot, and sleeping until my back starts aching. well, there are a few more things, but i don't want my blog to be the confession of all the illegal things that i do.

while coming back i also had a bengali family. but there were some non-bengali people , too. i was shocked by the couple's eating ability.i was convinced that they were two magicians in disguise. because the amount of food they had in train and considering all that came from the little bag, i was impressed by their magic. and while sleeping they also took out some blankets from their little bags. I was convinced that if they wanted, they could have put in the whole Poorva Express inside that bag. after eating the lady was reading a hindi magazine. i was a bit concerned about her husband, but i saw that with his amazing magic he's made the same cooking magazine to become something with mallika sherawat's pic with a title called, "haan. mein sexy hoon"

but the train journey is incomplete without the hawkers, the beggers, the enuchs and the food you buy from the station.
for the 1st three I'm not going to say anything, but as par as the last one is concerned, don't ever try chicken biriyani from mughalsarai. you'd consider turning a vegan.


while coming back for a momentI felt like, to somewhereI'm also like a train. for some time some people can't imagine their life without me and they enjoy being with me from the bottom of their heart. but after a little while, they move apart and don't even feel like saying good bye. and I got busy with some new people.

well, that's how life is.
you and me will spend our life like the parallel track of the rail, always beside each other. people will think that we'd merge at the horizon. but that's just an illusion. we'll always be at the same distance we were at the start of our journey.